You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
