Your mouth is God's brothel.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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