I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
