They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
