Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
