At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
