he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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