Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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