how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
