I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
