U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
