we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
