my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
