My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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