He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
