this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
