i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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