I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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