she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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