It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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