Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
