I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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