they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
