I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
