I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I wish i was in the wii world.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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