After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
