I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
