all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
