everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
