just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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