A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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