In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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