Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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