iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
