Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
