i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
