he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
