I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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