i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
