he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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