Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Randomize
