Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
