I could make wine with my vomit
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
