I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Randomize
