All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
