life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I am one with the molecules
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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