hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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