i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
