I wannas sexs uuuuu
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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