either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
