i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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