i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
