whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
