I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
