If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
