she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
