I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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