I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
