Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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