I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
