it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
