my vag is so smooth its legendary
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
