I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize