Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
