haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
