Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
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