well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
