By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
organizing the empties. That sober.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
