I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
