I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
